This blog was originally started to help keep our friends and family updated on how Jon and I were learning to live, love, and grow together. I know we've gotten away from that in recent posts, so I hope this blog re-establishes our original goal.
I don't know that growing is ever easy. If you consider the growing your body does, it is often painful. Teething is excruciating, puberty is a mess of discomfort, growth spurts bring unpleasant stretch marks. I have to believe that emotional growth is the same way. As Jon and I grow together as God intended us to be "one," we hit challenging, and sometimes painful obstacles.
Most recently, we've struggled with a startling simple concept. Though we have some remarkable similarities, we get along very well, and we have so much common ground, we are still different people. There are some ways in which we are not now (and may never be) alike.
For instance: Jon will eat nearly anything labeled as "food" that is put in front of him. I'm different. I only have about four vegetables I'll eat, and I'm generally skeptical of new foods.
Or: When Jon's stressed he likes to unwind with some video games, or chill in front of a good movie. I like to release all my energy by getting out and having some fun.
Or: Jon is very open minded at trying new things. He may not like it, but he's willing to give it a shot (in most cases, dancing excluded), even if it makes him uncomfortable. I am shy in new situations, particularly with new people.
Is it ok to be different? Is either person's approach better than the other? Well, we're each going to think our own idea is better, so we better get out the fencing swords now to decide a winner. (just kidding...we do NOT endorse sword play as an effect counseling technique).
Instead what I think we're coming to realize is to be aware of each other's differences. Try not to put each other in istuations that cause discomfort. Be understanding to the other persons restrictions. At the same time we can try to introduce new activities that introduce the other person into something that is uncomfortable just to see if they like it.
Jon could suggest new veggies or new recipies to try, just to see if I like more foods than I think I like (he'll never win the battle of peas though, I strictly refuse).
Or we can manage stress together. Maybe I'll sit and play video games with him for an hour, before we go out bowling.
Or we can try new things in small doses, so that Jon can enjoy his social situations, but I can have time to get used to the new people. Maybe we could go take swing lessons with some of his friends and hit the best of both worlds.
Whether you're just dating, or married for 50 years like Nikki's Gparents, I think husband and wife will always be "one flesh" but still different people. That's ok. Just respect your differences, and be willing to get out of your comfort zone.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Grandma has cancer
My grandma Shirley is my mom's mom. A couple years ago she moved in with them. I get to see her about once a month now, more so than I have ever seen a grandparent. A few months ago my grandma was having trouble using the bathroom. Surgery was able to alleviate the problem, but the scans showed "something." It took months of spaced out doctors appointments to finally draw the conclusion we all had feared.
Her cancer was aggressive, but treatable with a primitive form of Chemo. She was weak already, but after the first round I'd never seen her so lifeless. I kept remembering how when I was twelve we climbed halfway up Grandfather Mountain together. Now she takes a break from walking outside to her bed.
On Thursday I heard she decided to stop the chemo treatments. To be honest, I never thought she would start them. I think she'll be much less miserable without them. But it's hard to hear that I may not be able to give her a Christmas present. I pray she'll get to see her great grandchild, born sometime in November (by way of my sister, not me!)
She'll be the first person close to me that I'll have lost, and that's hard. But I can't help but think of all the good things God is doing with this. She'll be so much happier in heaven. She won't be brought down by the troubles of our time. For the first time since childhood, all her children will be around her this weekend. Some will speak to eachother for the first time in years.
Grandma, I love you. I want to cherish ever memory we've had together, and strive for every single one we can make. I pray your suffering is light, and your heavenly reward is great.
Her cancer was aggressive, but treatable with a primitive form of Chemo. She was weak already, but after the first round I'd never seen her so lifeless. I kept remembering how when I was twelve we climbed halfway up Grandfather Mountain together. Now she takes a break from walking outside to her bed.
On Thursday I heard she decided to stop the chemo treatments. To be honest, I never thought she would start them. I think she'll be much less miserable without them. But it's hard to hear that I may not be able to give her a Christmas present. I pray she'll get to see her great grandchild, born sometime in November (by way of my sister, not me!)
She'll be the first person close to me that I'll have lost, and that's hard. But I can't help but think of all the good things God is doing with this. She'll be so much happier in heaven. She won't be brought down by the troubles of our time. For the first time since childhood, all her children will be around her this weekend. Some will speak to eachother for the first time in years.
Grandma, I love you. I want to cherish ever memory we've had together, and strive for every single one we can make. I pray your suffering is light, and your heavenly reward is great.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Jobs and Families and Classes! Oh My!
There is probably a bunch I could/should be a very huge blog post, but I promise, I will try to keep it short! Bullet points are probably the best way to do that......
With Love!
Jon and Telly (not to be confused with Jelly)
- My Job.... Praise the Lord and hallelujah, I was blessed with a decent paying job at a small school that I've worked for in the past. Though I'm the lead teacher int he 2 year old class, and children these young aren't my forte, I'm so glad that God has provided for our needs. I'm having a tough time in the classroom, and I worry how this will affect my resume, but I'm going to work my hardest anyway.
- Jon's Classes....Classes for Jon have started up. This fall he's taking Greek 2 and Hebrew 3 (not easy to take at the same time). He'll also be wrapping up a Hebrews-Revalation class that he began online over the summer.
- Families.... My family has just been hit hard as Grandma's been diagnosed with cancer. She's been living with my parents for the last couple years, so she is surrounded by love ones. The cancer is not supposed to be very aggressive, but it's affected her energy in very noticable ways. Her first Chemo is this Wednesday and I know the whole family is taking it hard. We'd appreciate prayer.
- Our new place.....We love our new house! Having so much space feels luxurious! Sure we can't wash our hands without getting scalded, I bang my knee on the tub every time, and I still haven't figured out where the big family of cockroaches lives....but we really do feel like grown ups with real lives.
- Jon is still searching for a second part time job to help the bills out a bit. If you hear about anything, let us know.
- We have several friends who desperately need jobs. It's easy for me to understand their frustration and hurt in the job market, as I was there only three weeks ago. What is so infuriating is that these friends have bachelors and masters degrees, they are hard workers, and they're willing to do almost anything that pays the minimum. We can't understand why it's so difficult to get a job, much less an interview, much less a rejection letter! Pray for others in these situations.
With Love!
Jon and Telly (not to be confused with Jelly)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
We're in!
Just a quick update to let everyone know we are in our new place!
After several exhausting weeks of searching, I (being Telly) found a locally owned house that had been converted into two apartments (upstairs and down). The rent was in our sweet spot, the lease was unbeatable, and so many things are just what we were looking for (extra storage, good rooms, upkept well, washer/dryer hook-ups, dedicated dining space, study room, central air/heat, ceiling fans, I could go on forever).
We've been steadily packing the whole summer, and thanks to some donated boxes and tubs we were completely packed by 9:00 am the morning of the move (which also happened to be during a power outage in our previous building....SO glad we're out of there). My parents were amazing and brought up stuff I've been storing at their place, as well helped us move the couch in. By God's grace it only took 90 minutes to:
-> completely empty our Roddey apartment
-> load some of Jon's furniture from his parent's house
-> stuff the U-Haul with all we had
-> fill our friend vans/cars/trucks with whatever wouldn't fit
->and unload EVERYTHING into the new place
ALL in under 90 minutes. We are so grateful to Greg, James, Coit, Chris F., Thom, Dan, Betsy, Kayleigh, and Chris O., who made our move SO easy and efficient.
Pray for Jon as he enters week 2/3 of his intensive Greek course. So far he's comprehending everything pretty well, but with a weekend with no time for studying, and moving into unfamiliar territory, things might be more difficult.
Also pray for me as I'm still searching for a job. It's very discouraging to be offered $9/hr when I've spent 4 years working my tail off at one of the toughest schools in the state.
Anyway, we're in, and hopefully we'll get the chance to invite you over for dinner sometime soon.
Love,
Jon and Chantelle
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
101 Affirming words
Even before Jon and I were married, I've known I have a problem with the phrase "Antagonism equals Love." Often times in my family, the more you're lightly picked on, the more it's shown that you are cared for. I've also grown up feeling that phrases like "You're wonderful at anticipating my needs." and "thank you for always holding the door open for me." are cliche and simply understood with outsay. It's a twisted world, but it's the Nutz family, and I'd never thought much about it....until I tried being in a loving relationship.
As a member of a marriage, one realizes how hard it is sometimes to know you're doing well at your job. It's brilliantly important to let your partner know that he's doing a great job at being my husband. So to surpise him, help him feel great, give him something amusing to read, and let the world know what an awesome husband looks like. I may not get to 101 in this post, but you get the idea.
1. He eats veggies. I don't. So at least our kids will have a good role model.
2. He very willingly cuddles with me, likes it even.
3. He is passionate about his work, no matter what he does, he doesn't take it lightly.
4. When we were dating, he was the one who insisted on taking things slow, almost painstakingly slow....but he was so right.
5. He frevrently reminds me to put on sunscreen.
6. Every morning when I tell him about some strange dream where our neighbors became fish and we had to watch their daughter while she toured France in an Egyptian costume with real snake jewelry, he listens and laughs.
7. He thinks my hiccups are funny.
8. He's willing to cook when I ask him.
9. He's a man who can admit that he once liked Clay Aiken.
10. My friends are his friends, and vice versa. He never begrudgingly socializes.
11. He eats nearly anything I make. And he thinks it's great.
12. He opens the door for me, even when he's carrying more.
13. Speaking of carrying things....have you seen his biceps?
14. He is a very quick learner. It only took him a couple months of marriage to learn to stay away when I'm in a bad mood.
15. He keeps a drawer of secret chocolate, as a back up for bad moods.
16. He can get genuinely interested in a TV show or hobby that I enjoy, if only because he knows I'd like us to share it.
17. He talks to God.
18. He'll watch old movies with me.
19. He's very open to try new things, and very open to not making me do so.
20. You know that scene from The Santa Clause (w/ Tim Allen) where kids just instinctively know to tell him their Christmas wishes? Well people just seem to know that Jon is a man to trust and talk to. Sometimes people just sit down next to him not knowing that they'll be spilling their guts in 30 seconds or less.
21. He's computer savvy. (who needs tech support?)
22. He knows EVERYONE! Though this gets annoying when trying to walk out of church in under 20 minutes, it can be extremely helpful when you need something.
23. He laughs at his own jokes.
24. He's very sweet when I take naps.
25. He's learned not to take mean words personally when he wakes me up from naps.
26. He readily accepts my appolgy for saying mean words when he's trying to wake me up from naps.
27. He easily recognizes when I need a nap.
28. He encourages me to take naps, despite the mean words that may come when he tries to wake me up.
29. He answers the phone while I'm napping, so I don't have to get up.
30. Miracles happen when I take naps. Often when I wake up the dishes are done, the trash is taken out, or the laundry is done....(perhaps I should nap more often?)
31. He'll even take naps with me sometimes. That's my favorite.
32. He wants kids someday.
33. He's willing to challenge me intellectually, even if it means we might disagree on something.
34. We share the same semi-concerned drive to be healthier, but not to an obsessive degree in which it becomes an unhealthy desire to be healthy.
35. He enjoys sleeping in....almost more than I do.
36. He's not afraid to have his mind changed.
37. He asks questions when he doesn't understand something I'm talking about.
38. He's not afraid to get his hands dirty....or his shirt sweaty.
39. He's devoted to serving God, in whatever way he can.
40. He went to a dinky musical my 1st graders put on, and stayed awake. Ever since he's held onto the phrase "herumph went the little green frog" which is amazingly funny...to us anyway.
41. He's anxious to improve.
42. He doesn't complain about doing dishes.
43. He's a good kisser....'nuff said
44. He has stopped wearing socks with sandals, if only because he knows I don't like it.
45. He was totally on board when I wanted to gag-gift some of my friends for their wedding.
46. He doesn't mind if I sleep while he drives.
47. We read together....so simple, but so romantic.
48. He turns away when something provocative comes on TV. Where most guys might jokingly oogle or pretend not to care, he has a genuine interest in protecting himself.
49. It only took him a couple matches to become serious competition on Wii Tennis.
50. Though he loves to play the Wii, he hasn't ever suggested our lives would be better if we had one.
51. He is not an impulse buyer. He wants things to fit into the budget. That's a great thing...trust me.
52. He genuinely listens to me when I have a concern...whether it's about the possibility of me haveing lactose intolerance or how worried I am about our credit card usage, or how I'm worried that my right ring toe may have been broken in my childhood.
53. He loves my family enough to worry about them, even more so than I do sometimes.
54. He can raise a single eyebrow. Sometime I've always wanted to do.
55. He corrects my verbage. I'm sure he'd edit this post if he could.
56. He learned to dance, just for our wedding. He hated most of it, but he did it.
57. He RARELY complains....I wish I were more like him.
58. He knows just the right time to suggest going to Moes.
59. He pretends he hates my silly jokes, even though he laughs
60. He's willing to do whatever it takes to do what needs to be done. He's never stopped or gotten discouraged on his long road to being a pastor.
61. He eats leftovers.
62. He doesn't smell up the bathroom nearly as much as I do.
63. I can count on one hand the number of times he's left the toilet seat up.
64. He reads. (Which is not to be confused with having an adaquate number of books).
65. He's willing to watch chick-flicks.
66. He has tried very hard to understand my various moods. He's deffinately getting there.
67. He doesnt twitter.
68. You can see his love for the Lord....I mean visibly see it in his actions.
69. The man rocks to Kelly Clarkson with me.
70. No matter how many old jokes I've thrown at him, I don't think he's ever gotten seriously annoyed.
71. Ditto for bald jokes.
72. He likes to take walks.
73. He still looks at me like he did when we were dating. I can't describe it, but it just twinkles with "Hi, I like you, I seriously like being around you, and I take delight in you."
74. He didnt' leave me during the wedding planning process. Any sane man would have.
75. He is always appreciative of my body. Despite fluctating weight, bozo ears, frizzy hair, smelly feet, etc....he has never once faltered on loving my body.
76. He's willing to admit when he's wrong.
77. He can strike up a conversation with anyone. ANYONE!
78. He has a very gentile and loving heart. But he knows how to care for people while still being concerned and reserved.
79. He enjoys sports. (I say this as an affirmation now, but that might change during football season).
80. That being said, he doesn't mind if I nap through a football game. He's just grateful I wanted to be with him for it.
81. He gets along fabulously with my family. He fits in, laughs with them, gives combat croquette a good try, and grew into them.
82. He is extremely low maintenence. Especially with gifts....That's so fabulous when you're broke like us.
83. He has an interest in balancing quality with price, not going to one or the other without regard for the future.
83. He can laugh with me about anything.
84. His first name begins with J. Long story, but that's a good thing.
85. He didn't care that I had boyfriends before him. He was concerned, but not hurt.
86. Did I mention he was a good kisser?
87. He appreciates my HGTV-esque attempts at making our apartment look liveable.
88. He is the perfect height for me.
89. He reads me well, and can tell that by this point in the post, I'm running out of ideas.
90. If I said that I had 11 more affirming statements to come up with, he would correct me and say there were only 10, and he would laugh while I tried to figure out how he was right.
91. He pretends not to be terrified when I say I want 17 kids.
92. He tells me how cute I look.
93. He actively concerns himself with how we can put Christ in the center of our relationship.
94. He can tell when something's bothering me, even if I'm not willing to admit it.
95. He's a leader.
96. He's sleeping right now. That means he's not a crazy insomniac like I am.
97. He doesn't give up. Even when he should....like on his poor little car. He perseveres through it, and gives the car enough heart to keep on trucking.
98. He racks his brain to understand the new words I create periodically, and simply chuckles when a new one pops up..
99. He's not afraid to ask the quetions that count.
100. He is not a professional eater.
101. He's as grateful for the end of this post as I am!
As a member of a marriage, one realizes how hard it is sometimes to know you're doing well at your job. It's brilliantly important to let your partner know that he's doing a great job at being my husband. So to surpise him, help him feel great, give him something amusing to read, and let the world know what an awesome husband looks like. I may not get to 101 in this post, but you get the idea.
1. He eats veggies. I don't. So at least our kids will have a good role model.
2. He very willingly cuddles with me, likes it even.
3. He is passionate about his work, no matter what he does, he doesn't take it lightly.
4. When we were dating, he was the one who insisted on taking things slow, almost painstakingly slow....but he was so right.
5. He frevrently reminds me to put on sunscreen.
6. Every morning when I tell him about some strange dream where our neighbors became fish and we had to watch their daughter while she toured France in an Egyptian costume with real snake jewelry, he listens and laughs.
7. He thinks my hiccups are funny.
8. He's willing to cook when I ask him.
9. He's a man who can admit that he once liked Clay Aiken.
10. My friends are his friends, and vice versa. He never begrudgingly socializes.
11. He eats nearly anything I make. And he thinks it's great.
12. He opens the door for me, even when he's carrying more.
13. Speaking of carrying things....have you seen his biceps?
14. He is a very quick learner. It only took him a couple months of marriage to learn to stay away when I'm in a bad mood.
15. He keeps a drawer of secret chocolate, as a back up for bad moods.
16. He can get genuinely interested in a TV show or hobby that I enjoy, if only because he knows I'd like us to share it.
17. He talks to God.
18. He'll watch old movies with me.
19. He's very open to try new things, and very open to not making me do so.
20. You know that scene from The Santa Clause (w/ Tim Allen) where kids just instinctively know to tell him their Christmas wishes? Well people just seem to know that Jon is a man to trust and talk to. Sometimes people just sit down next to him not knowing that they'll be spilling their guts in 30 seconds or less.
21. He's computer savvy. (who needs tech support?)
22. He knows EVERYONE! Though this gets annoying when trying to walk out of church in under 20 minutes, it can be extremely helpful when you need something.
23. He laughs at his own jokes.
24. He's very sweet when I take naps.
25. He's learned not to take mean words personally when he wakes me up from naps.
26. He readily accepts my appolgy for saying mean words when he's trying to wake me up from naps.
27. He easily recognizes when I need a nap.
28. He encourages me to take naps, despite the mean words that may come when he tries to wake me up.
29. He answers the phone while I'm napping, so I don't have to get up.
30. Miracles happen when I take naps. Often when I wake up the dishes are done, the trash is taken out, or the laundry is done....(perhaps I should nap more often?)
31. He'll even take naps with me sometimes. That's my favorite.
32. He wants kids someday.
33. He's willing to challenge me intellectually, even if it means we might disagree on something.
34. We share the same semi-concerned drive to be healthier, but not to an obsessive degree in which it becomes an unhealthy desire to be healthy.
35. He enjoys sleeping in....almost more than I do.
36. He's not afraid to have his mind changed.
37. He asks questions when he doesn't understand something I'm talking about.
38. He's not afraid to get his hands dirty....or his shirt sweaty.
39. He's devoted to serving God, in whatever way he can.
40. He went to a dinky musical my 1st graders put on, and stayed awake. Ever since he's held onto the phrase "herumph went the little green frog" which is amazingly funny...to us anyway.
41. He's anxious to improve.
42. He doesn't complain about doing dishes.
43. He's a good kisser....'nuff said
44. He has stopped wearing socks with sandals, if only because he knows I don't like it.
45. He was totally on board when I wanted to gag-gift some of my friends for their wedding.
46. He doesn't mind if I sleep while he drives.
47. We read together....so simple, but so romantic.
48. He turns away when something provocative comes on TV. Where most guys might jokingly oogle or pretend not to care, he has a genuine interest in protecting himself.
49. It only took him a couple matches to become serious competition on Wii Tennis.
50. Though he loves to play the Wii, he hasn't ever suggested our lives would be better if we had one.
51. He is not an impulse buyer. He wants things to fit into the budget. That's a great thing...trust me.
52. He genuinely listens to me when I have a concern...whether it's about the possibility of me haveing lactose intolerance or how worried I am about our credit card usage, or how I'm worried that my right ring toe may have been broken in my childhood.
53. He loves my family enough to worry about them, even more so than I do sometimes.
54. He can raise a single eyebrow. Sometime I've always wanted to do.
55. He corrects my verbage. I'm sure he'd edit this post if he could.
56. He learned to dance, just for our wedding. He hated most of it, but he did it.
57. He RARELY complains....I wish I were more like him.
58. He knows just the right time to suggest going to Moes.
59. He pretends he hates my silly jokes, even though he laughs
60. He's willing to do whatever it takes to do what needs to be done. He's never stopped or gotten discouraged on his long road to being a pastor.
61. He eats leftovers.
62. He doesn't smell up the bathroom nearly as much as I do.
63. I can count on one hand the number of times he's left the toilet seat up.
64. He reads. (Which is not to be confused with having an adaquate number of books).
65. He's willing to watch chick-flicks.
66. He has tried very hard to understand my various moods. He's deffinately getting there.
67. He doesnt twitter.
68. You can see his love for the Lord....I mean visibly see it in his actions.
69. The man rocks to Kelly Clarkson with me.
70. No matter how many old jokes I've thrown at him, I don't think he's ever gotten seriously annoyed.
71. Ditto for bald jokes.
72. He likes to take walks.
73. He still looks at me like he did when we were dating. I can't describe it, but it just twinkles with "Hi, I like you, I seriously like being around you, and I take delight in you."
74. He didnt' leave me during the wedding planning process. Any sane man would have.
75. He is always appreciative of my body. Despite fluctating weight, bozo ears, frizzy hair, smelly feet, etc....he has never once faltered on loving my body.
76. He's willing to admit when he's wrong.
77. He can strike up a conversation with anyone. ANYONE!
78. He has a very gentile and loving heart. But he knows how to care for people while still being concerned and reserved.
79. He enjoys sports. (I say this as an affirmation now, but that might change during football season).
80. That being said, he doesn't mind if I nap through a football game. He's just grateful I wanted to be with him for it.
81. He gets along fabulously with my family. He fits in, laughs with them, gives combat croquette a good try, and grew into them.
82. He is extremely low maintenence. Especially with gifts....That's so fabulous when you're broke like us.
83. He has an interest in balancing quality with price, not going to one or the other without regard for the future.
83. He can laugh with me about anything.
84. His first name begins with J. Long story, but that's a good thing.
85. He didn't care that I had boyfriends before him. He was concerned, but not hurt.
86. Did I mention he was a good kisser?
87. He appreciates my HGTV-esque attempts at making our apartment look liveable.
88. He is the perfect height for me.
89. He reads me well, and can tell that by this point in the post, I'm running out of ideas.
90. If I said that I had 11 more affirming statements to come up with, he would correct me and say there were only 10, and he would laugh while I tried to figure out how he was right.
91. He pretends not to be terrified when I say I want 17 kids.
92. He tells me how cute I look.
93. He actively concerns himself with how we can put Christ in the center of our relationship.
94. He can tell when something's bothering me, even if I'm not willing to admit it.
95. He's a leader.
96. He's sleeping right now. That means he's not a crazy insomniac like I am.
97. He doesn't give up. Even when he should....like on his poor little car. He perseveres through it, and gives the car enough heart to keep on trucking.
98. He racks his brain to understand the new words I create periodically, and simply chuckles when a new one pops up..
99. He's not afraid to ask the quetions that count.
100. He is not a professional eater.
101. He's as grateful for the end of this post as I am!
Monday, July 20, 2009
I'm not a sexual predator and neither is my name
Jon's log- 7-20-09
Got your attention now, huh??!! The latest in our string of crazy happenings.... I have been flagged as a potential sexual predator in Indiana, or at least my personal info has been. We filled out the application for the apartment with the excellent lease terms, but his reports turned up some major problems. For one, there were some false credit accounts under my name. And much more exciting, as of April 15th, some of my personal info (name, DOB, or SSN) was charged with child molesting somewhere in Indiana.
Before you ask a silly question, just stop! No, I have never been to Indiana, much less committed a disgusting crime there. As for my personal information, I can vouch for their whereabouts on the date in questions. My personal information was with me, as like all red-blooded, responsible yet frustrated Americans, we worked over our tax forms.
The truth, according to the Winthrop division of the State Police, is that these background checks flag anything close to the information entered rather than the exact info (oh goody!). The guy's name is actual Joni Moore, but unfortunately, the physical description reads white male, 5'8", dark hair, green eyes; 180 lbs. (that part I wish were true). So, it's just close enough for the landlord, who has kids, to be rather freaked out. And here's the fun catch: apparently, when you are completely innocent and everyone knows you are completely innocent, they can't figure out how to officially DECLARE you innocent! I spent much of the day traveling and calling between various law enforcement agencies, all of whom are telling me it's a false flag, but none of whom can prove it. Apparently, no one I have talked to knows how to interface with Indiana directly... though they can certify my spotless record in South Carolina. I finally got the phone numbers for some agencies in Indiana, only to find out they're puzzled too. The lady at the Indiana Sexual Offenders Registry said I am not in their system, but neither is the other guy, because the charges are so recent. Too bad. It would have been so nice and easy to pull up his picture and show him (felon) alongside me (not felon).
The craziest thing is none of this is fraudulent, it seems. The credit report info came from someone incorrectly altering a guy's social so that it matched mine and tied our accounts together, and this background stuff is because somewhere there is a guy with similar information.According to her, it's the landlord's responsibility to run all this down, so we'll see what happens. I really, never thought I'd say this, but if you have connections, please come fingerprint me and run me through the national crime database. After all, there's no way they'll make Jimmy Hoffa stick. My personal info and I would appreciate the exoneration.
All that said, it is nice to hear all these law enforcement professionals tell me this is nuts too. And my wife has been wonderful in recognizing that we will look back and laugh our heads off at this someday.... but that is not today. Most importantly, I follow a God who is both just and merciful. A huge comfort for me while I wait, and that's really all there is to this. And I hope He will comfort the family in Indiana... far worse has happened to them. And assuming he is guilty, I hope Joni gets impressed with God's justice and mercy before it's too late to make a difference.
Got your attention now, huh??!! The latest in our string of crazy happenings.... I have been flagged as a potential sexual predator in Indiana, or at least my personal info has been. We filled out the application for the apartment with the excellent lease terms, but his reports turned up some major problems. For one, there were some false credit accounts under my name. And much more exciting, as of April 15th, some of my personal info (name, DOB, or SSN) was charged with child molesting somewhere in Indiana.
Before you ask a silly question, just stop! No, I have never been to Indiana, much less committed a disgusting crime there. As for my personal information, I can vouch for their whereabouts on the date in questions. My personal information was with me, as like all red-blooded, responsible yet frustrated Americans, we worked over our tax forms.
The truth, according to the Winthrop division of the State Police, is that these background checks flag anything close to the information entered rather than the exact info (oh goody!). The guy's name is actual Joni Moore, but unfortunately, the physical description reads white male, 5'8", dark hair, green eyes; 180 lbs. (that part I wish were true). So, it's just close enough for the landlord, who has kids, to be rather freaked out. And here's the fun catch: apparently, when you are completely innocent and everyone knows you are completely innocent, they can't figure out how to officially DECLARE you innocent! I spent much of the day traveling and calling between various law enforcement agencies, all of whom are telling me it's a false flag, but none of whom can prove it. Apparently, no one I have talked to knows how to interface with Indiana directly... though they can certify my spotless record in South Carolina. I finally got the phone numbers for some agencies in Indiana, only to find out they're puzzled too. The lady at the Indiana Sexual Offenders Registry said I am not in their system, but neither is the other guy, because the charges are so recent. Too bad. It would have been so nice and easy to pull up his picture and show him (felon) alongside me (not felon).
The craziest thing is none of this is fraudulent, it seems. The credit report info came from someone incorrectly altering a guy's social so that it matched mine and tied our accounts together, and this background stuff is because somewhere there is a guy with similar information.According to her, it's the landlord's responsibility to run all this down, so we'll see what happens. I really, never thought I'd say this, but if you have connections, please come fingerprint me and run me through the national crime database. After all, there's no way they'll make Jimmy Hoffa stick. My personal info and I would appreciate the exoneration.
All that said, it is nice to hear all these law enforcement professionals tell me this is nuts too. And my wife has been wonderful in recognizing that we will look back and laugh our heads off at this someday.... but that is not today. Most importantly, I follow a God who is both just and merciful. A huge comfort for me while I wait, and that's really all there is to this. And I hope He will comfort the family in Indiana... far worse has happened to them. And assuming he is guilty, I hope Joni gets impressed with God's justice and mercy before it's too late to make a difference.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Blessings Great, Small, and Confusing
My brother from RTS has me repeating frequently the reminder that God is never late. But He often shows up at the last possible moment to our thinking. Well, this summer has been teaching us this in spades.
God has kept us in a pattern of abject dependence: hard, but very gratifying. We have so little that we know except His presence with us. And it has been amazing to see all the ways that God has been providing for us even when nothing has gone according to "the plan." These blessings have been widely varied and often unexpected, but God has met our needs and many wants at every step.
Some of them have been huge. The opportunity for Chantelle to continue as an RA was a major blessing. We got rent, utilities, phone, cable; etc. for the whole summer for about $600. Another giant blessing has been that an old coworker has been contracting me for PC support jobs, and he pays so well, that despite a limited number of hours, the pay has covered gas expenses for our travels to weddings, interviews, and such (no small feat considering we've spent $100 in the last 2 weeks alone) plus the bill for my summer Greek.
Others have been much less dramatic, but no less delightful or appreciated. The time during the summer has given us an opportunity to spend time with several newly married or almost married friends. With the likelihood of our remaining in Rock Hill, this seems a base to much deeper relationship. We've also taken the opportunity to more involved at our church in Rock Hill. We helped out with VBS, which helped us get to know more people and be actively serving in what God is doing there. And we got to see God bring in several kids from non-churched homes or those from newly arrived families looking for a church home. Sweet! And our newest simple pleasure has been through Amazon. Chantelle noticed that past students (especially foreign students heading back to their home countries) abandon books when they leave. So, we've gone through the list and found about 15 that are selling reasonably on Amazon. Several have already sold giving us an extra cushion over the summer.
Finally, we have the really confusing blessings. The main on that's hit us recently is over housing. After spending several weeks researching and viewing housing opportunities, we had found only one really good option, with a couple of other decent options. So we were all set to apply, and low and behold, we now have two sudden entrants. We just had a viewing with a nice little 2 bedroom. The amenities aren't as nice as the other place we like, but the rent is cheaper, the parking is better, and the lease terms are fantastic. The owner will let us get someone to sublease the space if Chantelle found a job, and if we had to break the lease, it would only cost us the security deposit ($350). For the coupe de grace, we just found out that the Apartment Manager in Roddey is resigning. This position works like a killer grad assistantship, with free housing, free tuition for her to continue grad school, and a meal plan of her choice. So, it seems hard for us to pass up applying. However, the apartment manager has not formally resigned, so the job isn't formally available yet, and we need to start moving 2 weeks from Saturday. We weren't really looking to ADD new options at this point.
So future life continues to be unknown to us, but there are plenty of signposts that God is working. It reminds me of the illustration of a turtle on a fence post. If you find one, the only thing you know for sure, is he didn't get there by himself. And neither have we.
God has kept us in a pattern of abject dependence: hard, but very gratifying. We have so little that we know except His presence with us. And it has been amazing to see all the ways that God has been providing for us even when nothing has gone according to "the plan." These blessings have been widely varied and often unexpected, but God has met our needs and many wants at every step.
Some of them have been huge. The opportunity for Chantelle to continue as an RA was a major blessing. We got rent, utilities, phone, cable; etc. for the whole summer for about $600. Another giant blessing has been that an old coworker has been contracting me for PC support jobs, and he pays so well, that despite a limited number of hours, the pay has covered gas expenses for our travels to weddings, interviews, and such (no small feat considering we've spent $100 in the last 2 weeks alone) plus the bill for my summer Greek.
Others have been much less dramatic, but no less delightful or appreciated. The time during the summer has given us an opportunity to spend time with several newly married or almost married friends. With the likelihood of our remaining in Rock Hill, this seems a base to much deeper relationship. We've also taken the opportunity to more involved at our church in Rock Hill. We helped out with VBS, which helped us get to know more people and be actively serving in what God is doing there. And we got to see God bring in several kids from non-churched homes or those from newly arrived families looking for a church home. Sweet! And our newest simple pleasure has been through Amazon. Chantelle noticed that past students (especially foreign students heading back to their home countries) abandon books when they leave. So, we've gone through the list and found about 15 that are selling reasonably on Amazon. Several have already sold giving us an extra cushion over the summer.
Finally, we have the really confusing blessings. The main on that's hit us recently is over housing. After spending several weeks researching and viewing housing opportunities, we had found only one really good option, with a couple of other decent options. So we were all set to apply, and low and behold, we now have two sudden entrants. We just had a viewing with a nice little 2 bedroom. The amenities aren't as nice as the other place we like, but the rent is cheaper, the parking is better, and the lease terms are fantastic. The owner will let us get someone to sublease the space if Chantelle found a job, and if we had to break the lease, it would only cost us the security deposit ($350). For the coupe de grace, we just found out that the Apartment Manager in Roddey is resigning. This position works like a killer grad assistantship, with free housing, free tuition for her to continue grad school, and a meal plan of her choice. So, it seems hard for us to pass up applying. However, the apartment manager has not formally resigned, so the job isn't formally available yet, and we need to start moving 2 weeks from Saturday. We weren't really looking to ADD new options at this point.
So future life continues to be unknown to us, but there are plenty of signposts that God is working. It reminds me of the illustration of a turtle on a fence post. If you find one, the only thing you know for sure, is he didn't get there by himself. And neither have we.
The Summer of Mysteries continues
Wife's log: Day 201
Spoiler warning: Jon and I are no closer to a confident decision than our last summer blog...sorry:(
God is good, but also very mysterious. he has not yet made perfectly clear what he would like for us to do as of Aug 9th (the day we need to be out of Roddey). Here's the official update on some of the things we told you about last time:
- I didn't get the job in Charleston....well, I never heard back from them, so I'm not going to start previewing housing options.
-Nor have I heard anything else from any other school districts. Applications, screening interviews, e-mailed resumes seem to have fallen on deaf ears. There might be some assistant positions open nearby, but I'm not holding my breath yet.
-My next option has been to look on craigslist and other job sites to see if any local day cares need a lead/assistant teacher, or if any offices need a secretary with my skills. Nothing yet. I seem to be overqualified...ironically.
-Jon is similarly checking the want ads for various positions. He might have a job at a local hotel if they can work with his class schedule, and around the part time job he already has. God has blessed us with several computer jobs for him, which pay very well per hour and are getting us through our summer bills.
-On the housing front, we have two places we would like to move in to. One that I like a little more, one that Jon likes a little more. Marriage is all about compromise....we'll see. (vote for me!)
-And as we keep looking for solutions, more questions pop up. There may be an opening in my building for either an Assistant Apartment manager (what I do now) or an Apartment manager (a step up from where I am now). Either solution may allow me to go to grad school with the money we're saving on housing. More questions, fewer answers....oy vey!
Continue to pray for us, for we struggle at decision making and getting answers.
Spoiler warning: Jon and I are no closer to a confident decision than our last summer blog...sorry:(
God is good, but also very mysterious. he has not yet made perfectly clear what he would like for us to do as of Aug 9th (the day we need to be out of Roddey). Here's the official update on some of the things we told you about last time:
- I didn't get the job in Charleston....well, I never heard back from them, so I'm not going to start previewing housing options.
-Nor have I heard anything else from any other school districts. Applications, screening interviews, e-mailed resumes seem to have fallen on deaf ears. There might be some assistant positions open nearby, but I'm not holding my breath yet.
-My next option has been to look on craigslist and other job sites to see if any local day cares need a lead/assistant teacher, or if any offices need a secretary with my skills. Nothing yet. I seem to be overqualified...ironically.
-Jon is similarly checking the want ads for various positions. He might have a job at a local hotel if they can work with his class schedule, and around the part time job he already has. God has blessed us with several computer jobs for him, which pay very well per hour and are getting us through our summer bills.
-On the housing front, we have two places we would like to move in to. One that I like a little more, one that Jon likes a little more. Marriage is all about compromise....we'll see. (vote for me!)
-And as we keep looking for solutions, more questions pop up. There may be an opening in my building for either an Assistant Apartment manager (what I do now) or an Apartment manager (a step up from where I am now). Either solution may allow me to go to grad school with the money we're saving on housing. More questions, fewer answers....oy vey!
Continue to pray for us, for we struggle at decision making and getting answers.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The future: The Final Frontier
Wife's log: Day 187
Roughly 6 months into this marriage gig, and we're not doing too badly. Though we are not frequent (or short-winded) bloggers, we are fans of quenching over-asked questions in one, not so fell-sweeping blog. So here's the update on what the next couple months of our life is looking like.
Pretty much all of our plans hinge on whether or not I can find a full time teaching job. Jon's ok with commuting to school in Charlotte, and would only need to make one trip a week, so I'm looking anywhere in SC or NC. We're not picky about where, though we would love and prefer to be in the Rock Hill area. Sadly this is not the year to find a job easily, and many schools don't know if/when they can hire anybody. Most jobs I apply for have other a hundred other applicants.
So we have two options:
Option #1
I find a job, we move far away, take a leap of faith and highway just so I have a decent job, where we can live, eat, pay off loans, and possibly get Jon a new car (poor Rosa may not live forever). Of course, once Jon graduates, his job will be more important than mine, so we wouldn't expect the position to be a long term one.
So we've been driving all over the state, doing prescreening interviews, completing district applications, and smiling at hiring managers. Prescreening interviews don't mean a thing until the district has a job to offer. I did have an interview in North Charleston yesterday for an actual position. They team seemed to like me, and I was comfortable with them. It's not close to friends or family, but it's a job.
Option #2
If no full-time teaching jobs come open, then Jon and I would like to stay in Rock Hill. I've been accepted to Grad School for Special Ed. and depending on financial aid, we might be able to afford that. Jon would still have his part-time job in Charlotte (possibly a second which would be helpful). We would also find local menial jobs to supplement needs (college loan payments, etc). We would try this for as long as possible (or as long as finances hold out) before accepting either of our parents' generous offers to house us while we find more permanent solutions.
We've been apartment hunting a little, crunching numbers a little, and think it could work.
Ultimately God will provide, it's not up to us to decide. Pray for us. We don't know where we'll be living a month from now, but God does. Yay God!. We hope to be updating more frequently about our adventures, so check back freqently.
With love, prayers, and cookies,
Jon and Telly
Roughly 6 months into this marriage gig, and we're not doing too badly. Though we are not frequent (or short-winded) bloggers, we are fans of quenching over-asked questions in one, not so fell-sweeping blog. So here's the update on what the next couple months of our life is looking like.
Pretty much all of our plans hinge on whether or not I can find a full time teaching job. Jon's ok with commuting to school in Charlotte, and would only need to make one trip a week, so I'm looking anywhere in SC or NC. We're not picky about where, though we would love and prefer to be in the Rock Hill area. Sadly this is not the year to find a job easily, and many schools don't know if/when they can hire anybody. Most jobs I apply for have other a hundred other applicants.
So we have two options:
Option #1
I find a job, we move far away, take a leap of faith and highway just so I have a decent job, where we can live, eat, pay off loans, and possibly get Jon a new car (poor Rosa may not live forever). Of course, once Jon graduates, his job will be more important than mine, so we wouldn't expect the position to be a long term one.
So we've been driving all over the state, doing prescreening interviews, completing district applications, and smiling at hiring managers. Prescreening interviews don't mean a thing until the district has a job to offer. I did have an interview in North Charleston yesterday for an actual position. They team seemed to like me, and I was comfortable with them. It's not close to friends or family, but it's a job.
Option #2
If no full-time teaching jobs come open, then Jon and I would like to stay in Rock Hill. I've been accepted to Grad School for Special Ed. and depending on financial aid, we might be able to afford that. Jon would still have his part-time job in Charlotte (possibly a second which would be helpful). We would also find local menial jobs to supplement needs (college loan payments, etc). We would try this for as long as possible (or as long as finances hold out) before accepting either of our parents' generous offers to house us while we find more permanent solutions.
We've been apartment hunting a little, crunching numbers a little, and think it could work.
Ultimately God will provide, it's not up to us to decide. Pray for us. We don't know where we'll be living a month from now, but God does. Yay God!. We hope to be updating more frequently about our adventures, so check back freqently.
With love, prayers, and cookies,
Jon and Telly
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Disappointment
I know there were a lot of people who were praying for my interview today, so I thought I would post the events of the day, in order not to repeat the story many times. For those of you who didn't know, through a connection at a party I got an interview at a small town magnet school that just opened. The area was a nice enough, directly in between Rock Hill and Columbia.
I think the interview itself went fine enough, I was charismatic, energetic, and full of ideas. Of course you always want to be yourself while telling them what they want to hear. It's a delicate balancing act and I felt like I was on a high wire act at Niagara Falls. Luckily I walked out with no visible sweat stains.
However I also walked out with a twinge of disappointment. Towards the end of the interview I asked what vacancies they expected to have, and the principal told me they may have one in 3rd grade, but they weren't sure. My heart fell then, realizing that the hypothetical life I had already planned in this small town was as close as a Canadian snow man.
So I'm disappointed, a little deflated, and slightly bummed. I know the summer is far from over, and there are still potentially many jobs and interviews that might open up before Jon and I ultimately have to decide what to do with ourselves come August. Most importantly I know God's plan is still in place, and we are anxious to see how it plays out for us. Please continue to pray.
I think the interview itself went fine enough, I was charismatic, energetic, and full of ideas. Of course you always want to be yourself while telling them what they want to hear. It's a delicate balancing act and I felt like I was on a high wire act at Niagara Falls. Luckily I walked out with no visible sweat stains.
However I also walked out with a twinge of disappointment. Towards the end of the interview I asked what vacancies they expected to have, and the principal told me they may have one in 3rd grade, but they weren't sure. My heart fell then, realizing that the hypothetical life I had already planned in this small town was as close as a Canadian snow man.
So I'm disappointed, a little deflated, and slightly bummed. I know the summer is far from over, and there are still potentially many jobs and interviews that might open up before Jon and I ultimately have to decide what to do with ourselves come August. Most importantly I know God's plan is still in place, and we are anxious to see how it plays out for us. Please continue to pray.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Patience
This blog is less about being married, and more about personal anxiousness.
As a recent Winthrop graduate, a married person of nearly 5 months, and an adult in general, I'm finding it hard to be content this summer. I think what I'm going through is the pregnancy symptom called nesting (though I assure you no stork is headed our way). I'm ready to be out of our small apartment, away from the two short shower, the too small sink, the too many steps up, the too many knocks on the door, the too few places to put our rapidly growing pieces of life. I'm anxious to be in our own place where I could plant or paint and not be the RA.
I think this bout of anxiousness is compounded by several things. First of all, as mentioned above, I've gone through several recent changes (graduation, marriage) that usually signal the beginning of new place to live and way of living, yet not much has changed. Secondly, I've seen so many friends recently who are moving on. I have a couple beautiful friends who are getting married and moving into their own place, bought or rented. I'm extremely happy and excited for them, and dare I say jealous to be moving on in the same way.
I know that God is working his perfect plan for us. All of this will come when One or both of us has a good job, when God knows we're ready, and when we're patient enough to have all these things through the proper means (not buying a house with no credit, or moving somewhere before jobs are secured).
I guess to tie in the married aspect, I would say that Jon is being very gentile in reminding me to be patient, reminding me to trust God, and understanding my impatience. He is an amazing blessing of a husband for all the patience he displays, complimenting my lack thereof. I'd appreciate prayers in this area, like I said, I'm struggling to be content and wait for God's timing.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Moods
One thing I want to do with this blog is troubleshoot things that Jon and I come to, things that give us bumps and hurdles. Hopefully I will be able to tell how we got around it, and how we're working to make our marriage stronger despite these relationship strengthening experiences.
I, like nearly every every XX chromosome carrying creature, have a mariad of things that influence my moods. Sometimes the moods are petty, other times they seriously interfere with my ability to be a good wife. I am trying to identify and heal these moods, while Jon is being patient and trying to figure out how to help them.
There's the napping mood. I'm not a happy camper when waking up from a nap. Jon is usually very nice by being the one to wake me up, just in time (or after a few extra minutes :) ) Usually I swat at him as he tries to wake me up jovially. In my sleepy haze I am infinitely annoyed at him. He's come to accept this as a consistent happening, and I've learned to appologize afterward and express my gratitude for putting up with me. I think we've got this one ironed out.
There are the kooky moods. Whether I've had too much caffiene, not enough sleep, or too much time indoors, there are times when I need to get out, go some where, have a craving to do something specific, or just need to express madness. These are trickier moods. I know I need to identify exactly what I need to calm me, because Jon is very willing to do whatever it takes to help me cool down...if only I could figure out what that is. I also need to figure out how to control these moods. Sometimes it is simply not feasible to amuse my moods, and that's when I have to take responsibility for myself and get over it. How? You ask? Currently my only solutions are prayer, alone time, and writing out my emotions. I'm willing to take suggestions.
There are nasty moods. This past Sunday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. For some reason I became annoyed with everything. Annoyed with the milk, annoyed with the sun, annoyed with Jon watching TV instead of eating breakfast with me...everything. With this devilish spirit in me, I didn't feel much like talking to people, being nice, and worst of all for a Sunday, facing God. When I finally confessed to Jon that I was in a mood, things got easier and harder. He was able to realize that I wasn't serious about the snippy comments that kept coming out. But it also meant he wanted to help me figure out this mood, when usually I like to go hide and just let moods pass. But I'm married now. Moods like that one can't just exist and be ignored. I have to get over my selfish, unexplainable annoyances and get on with it. I don't know how or why, but I can't use raging hormones as an excuse to be rude to those I love, or to keep me from worship.
So my point is thus: You can't control when you get into a funky mood, but you can control how you let it affect you. That's what I'm trying to do, with God's help and Jon's patience.
I, like nearly every every XX chromosome carrying creature, have a mariad of things that influence my moods. Sometimes the moods are petty, other times they seriously interfere with my ability to be a good wife. I am trying to identify and heal these moods, while Jon is being patient and trying to figure out how to help them.
There's the napping mood. I'm not a happy camper when waking up from a nap. Jon is usually very nice by being the one to wake me up, just in time (or after a few extra minutes :) ) Usually I swat at him as he tries to wake me up jovially. In my sleepy haze I am infinitely annoyed at him. He's come to accept this as a consistent happening, and I've learned to appologize afterward and express my gratitude for putting up with me. I think we've got this one ironed out.
There are the kooky moods. Whether I've had too much caffiene, not enough sleep, or too much time indoors, there are times when I need to get out, go some where, have a craving to do something specific, or just need to express madness. These are trickier moods. I know I need to identify exactly what I need to calm me, because Jon is very willing to do whatever it takes to help me cool down...if only I could figure out what that is. I also need to figure out how to control these moods. Sometimes it is simply not feasible to amuse my moods, and that's when I have to take responsibility for myself and get over it. How? You ask? Currently my only solutions are prayer, alone time, and writing out my emotions. I'm willing to take suggestions.
There are nasty moods. This past Sunday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. For some reason I became annoyed with everything. Annoyed with the milk, annoyed with the sun, annoyed with Jon watching TV instead of eating breakfast with me...everything. With this devilish spirit in me, I didn't feel much like talking to people, being nice, and worst of all for a Sunday, facing God. When I finally confessed to Jon that I was in a mood, things got easier and harder. He was able to realize that I wasn't serious about the snippy comments that kept coming out. But it also meant he wanted to help me figure out this mood, when usually I like to go hide and just let moods pass. But I'm married now. Moods like that one can't just exist and be ignored. I have to get over my selfish, unexplainable annoyances and get on with it. I don't know how or why, but I can't use raging hormones as an excuse to be rude to those I love, or to keep me from worship.
So my point is thus: You can't control when you get into a funky mood, but you can control how you let it affect you. That's what I'm trying to do, with God's help and Jon's patience.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Where's My Change? Part 2
Ok, so on to Part 2, and I'll try to be more brief about some of the changes in married life.
Organization- Yes, yes, if you know me, you know that's a foreign if not four-letter word to me. Organization to me is simple: it means what seems simplest at the time... not always translating to real efficiency. Chantelle has very detailed organizational skills that are highly efficient, but they follow rules that exist largely in her mind and are therefore highly mysterious. Why does the folder not go with the other folders? I don't know. Still, it's very positive. I'm getting more organized and productive especially around the house. I worry it's more self-preservation than good character. I work harder to clean and such because Chantelle hasn't been able to as much and the mess will drive her to distraction. It also teaches humility as the reforming slob, now has to deal with the frustration of his former sins.... Honey, can you please leave the dishes in the general area of the sink?
Emotions- No, no, I'm not talking about the mysteries of the temperament of my bride. It's mine that are driving me crazy more often. I thought I generally had a solid grasp on my temper, but suddenly I've got all these new triggers. I'm even tempered, generally, but suddenly I find myself wanting to hit a girl. That's bad! Fortunately, it wasn't Chantelle, but her former advisor, who seemed... difficult. Additionally, my temper flares up because though I understand how my emotions work, my other part is still getting the hang of it. So you try and explain what happens normally in you, and find you're back at square one. What took me 30 years to understand, I now have to start relearning in a way I can explain. FUN!
Rest- As Chantelle said so delicately, I snore. The truth is, I roar softly. Chantelle, being as sweet-spirited as she is, has developed a gentle system of stopping it... she elbows me until I quit. So how twisted is it that now I sleep better in the same bed being jabbed periodically than when apart? Additionally, our ideas of relaxing are very different. Going out is part of external life to me... home is end game, the finish line. For her, home is a staging area, of sorts. It's the launch pad for getting out into life. So I'm learning, that when it's busy or tiring, that often means it's time to go somewhere.... very counter-intuitive for me. And then there's the home improvement aspect of rest and responsibility. I had the mistaken idea that home improvement was something you did so that you could stop and not have to do it anymore. Chantelle comes from a family for whom it is a hobby... which I found delightful. So much talent, so much creativity, so much energy, so much future assistance.... oh yeah, so much to do already. But it's good too, because I have an even more profound respect for her creativity. How can she see something totally different about that wall than all the others? She's teaching me to be more willing to invest in what I would have otherwise tended to think of as empty trappings.
Organization- Yes, yes, if you know me, you know that's a foreign if not four-letter word to me. Organization to me is simple: it means what seems simplest at the time... not always translating to real efficiency. Chantelle has very detailed organizational skills that are highly efficient, but they follow rules that exist largely in her mind and are therefore highly mysterious. Why does the folder not go with the other folders? I don't know. Still, it's very positive. I'm getting more organized and productive especially around the house. I worry it's more self-preservation than good character. I work harder to clean and such because Chantelle hasn't been able to as much and the mess will drive her to distraction. It also teaches humility as the reforming slob, now has to deal with the frustration of his former sins.... Honey, can you please leave the dishes in the general area of the sink?
Emotions- No, no, I'm not talking about the mysteries of the temperament of my bride. It's mine that are driving me crazy more often. I thought I generally had a solid grasp on my temper, but suddenly I've got all these new triggers. I'm even tempered, generally, but suddenly I find myself wanting to hit a girl. That's bad! Fortunately, it wasn't Chantelle, but her former advisor, who seemed... difficult. Additionally, my temper flares up because though I understand how my emotions work, my other part is still getting the hang of it. So you try and explain what happens normally in you, and find you're back at square one. What took me 30 years to understand, I now have to start relearning in a way I can explain. FUN!
Rest- As Chantelle said so delicately, I snore. The truth is, I roar softly. Chantelle, being as sweet-spirited as she is, has developed a gentle system of stopping it... she elbows me until I quit. So how twisted is it that now I sleep better in the same bed being jabbed periodically than when apart? Additionally, our ideas of relaxing are very different. Going out is part of external life to me... home is end game, the finish line. For her, home is a staging area, of sorts. It's the launch pad for getting out into life. So I'm learning, that when it's busy or tiring, that often means it's time to go somewhere.... very counter-intuitive for me. And then there's the home improvement aspect of rest and responsibility. I had the mistaken idea that home improvement was something you did so that you could stop and not have to do it anymore. Chantelle comes from a family for whom it is a hobby... which I found delightful. So much talent, so much creativity, so much energy, so much future assistance.... oh yeah, so much to do already. But it's good too, because I have an even more profound respect for her creativity. How can she see something totally different about that wall than all the others? She's teaching me to be more willing to invest in what I would have otherwise tended to think of as empty trappings.
Where's My Change? Part 1
It's hard to believe that Chantelle and I are coming up on 4 months of marriage. In some ways, it's like we've barely begun, yet in others, it's hard to think of a time when we were not married. So, here, in no particular order are some running ideas about married life and how it's changing us, from my perspective.
Communication- It gets hammered into us from every angle that communication is at the heart of successful marriage. Well, it's all true and then some. God really blessed us that we started well, with lots of talking and had very good friends and counselors who encouraged that process. Still, it's amazing how much it only scratches the surface of communication once the marriage starts. Maybe being in such a small space presses the issue, but really, it's just the complexity of oneness. There's this person who's always there and in every facet of your life. At times, it's a little crowding, like you're back to being a teenager, with someone always wanting to know where you're going, who with, when you'll be back; etc. At other times, it's just staggering that there's still so much to talk about. I think I understand now, why some newlywed friends told us last year that sometimes, "you just want to NOT have another conversation about something new." Still, it's astounding how enjoyable it is to have someone with whom to share everything. Probably what we’re learning most about is how to interpret each other. It’s amusing that though we both have had training in multiple languages and can probably carry on actual dialogue in English or Spanish, we still need a translator. Between non-verbal cues and the mental ideas behind what is said, “Is that what you meant?” has been repeated aplenty. Pastor James was right on and a huge help in pointing us towards toward striving to hear, rather than be heard. It’s so much easier to be defensive and demanding. We ask forgiveness a fair amount, but I don’t want to think about what would have happened if we hadn’t had instruction in this beforehand.
Priorities- Guys hanging out talk about how their recently married friends disappear. If they are a little less tactful, they talk about the ball and chain or having to getting “Mommy’s” permission before you can go out. I’ve seen it before. Sadly, I’ve been part of those annoyed discussions that at times, though I managed to steer away from the really cruel comments, if recollection serves. I always knew you had to cut some slack to newlyweds, but I always thought it was mostly because they were lost in the physical intimacy of marriage. After all, sex is so much on our society’s mind, it made sense that when you get the chance to enjoy it the right way, you can lose your head a bit. While that can be partially true, I think I’m beginning to understand things more fully. You disappear partly because you have to. Those friends of mine… we have had years, even decades to know each other and develop our relationships and sync our schedules and such for time together. It’s been great. But we still managed to find points of disagreement and annoyances on occasion. Now, I suddenly have a friend who is so close that she is there pretty much 24/7. She’s great, but let’s face it, we’re not always on the same page. She has the most bizarre ideas sometimes (tell no one but so do I at times). We haven’t had decades to adjust to those pressures. So you disappear for survival in some ways. If you don’t devote major time, you’ll rip each other to shreds. You also do it because you’re already starting to become one. It may not happen over night, but you are loving this person as yourself, so they take precedence. And that’s the silliness of the ball and chain comments. Do I have to ask permission? Yes!!! Her opinion matters… quite frankly, far more than yours. If she isn’t integrated into my decisions, then I royally screwed up something here. I shoot myself in the leg (thank you Plaxico Burress). It’s not perfect. It chafes at times, no doubt. But it’s happening without even thinking about it in some ways, which I guess means it’s moving forward well.
This is growing long fast, so I'll have to break it up into pieces.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Men are from Mars.
Here is the obvious statement of the day.
Men and Women are different.
Sadly, money has been wasted on clinical studies to come to the same conclusion that I have come to in three months of marriage. While I've always known that I would never stop learning things about Jon, sometimes it strikes me particularly strongly that we have ways in which we may never understand each other. Despite all efforts to explain, ask questions, and seek clarification, sometimes I just have to shake my head and say "Ok....it's fine to walk away from this, accept his reasoning, and move on to more important things."
So here are some ways that I have realized Jon and I are different.
Jon can study with the TV on.
I can't.
I need to have time to turn my brain off after a trying event.
Jon wants to jump straight in a fix things.
I too easily dismiss small events I should fix but don't feel I have to.
Jon has a strong conviction to make things right before the end of the day.
Jon will eat peas.
I won't.
Jon can read the same book, watch the same commercial, or watch the same movie multiple times with equal enjoyment each time.
I don't laugh if I've heard the joke already.
I automatically remember to flush.
Jon doesn't.
I'm picky and self-critical about my cooking.
Jon just loves food.
Jon thinks through what is said before it's said.
I say things as they come to me, which often results in nonsense words (like snidering and flaggle) and incorrect word usage.
Jon is slow and consistent.
I am efficient but make mistakes.
Jon snores in his sleep.
I twitch and mumble.
These are just a few things, I'm sure I could add dozens a day if I thought about it. The lesson I take from all this is that it if ok and GOOD for us to be different. Just because we don't do things the same way doesn't mean one of us does it wrong.....a VERY important thought. Example: Just because Jon doesn't fold the way I doesn't mean it is wrong, or that I need to redo it. It's just different. And that is good.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
To Start
Hello all,
Over the past 3 months and 2 days, Jon and I have ceaselessly been asked :"So how's married life?" It's an interesting and in depth question, but mostly, all we have time to reply is "We like it."
We know that our single and soon to be married friends are trying to gain insight into this mysterious world of marriage. Likewise, many of our married friends are anxious to see how we experience something that they went to not to (or many very long) ago.
This blog is our attempt to answer these questions. My plan is to give other insight into our newlywed experience, the good, the bad, and the ugly. This will also be a place for Jon and I to share lessons that we're learning and events that amuse us (and hopefully you too).
So come on in, keep yourself up to date, take a seat, read up, relax a bit, and join us as we try to figure out the answer to: So How's Married Life.
Chantelle
PS:
You can keep yourself slightly (but not faithfully) updated on Jon and I individually. Jon has his own blog here. Meanwhile, I am known to write about myself here.
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