The Summer of Mysteries continues

Wife's log: Day 201

Spoiler warning: Jon and I are no closer to a confident decision than our last summer blog...sorry:(

God is good, but also very mysterious. he has not yet made perfectly clear what he would like for us to do as of Aug 9th (the day we need to be out of Roddey). Here's the official update on some of the things we told you about last time:

- I didn't get the job in Charleston....well, I never heard back from them, so I'm not going to start previewing housing options.

-Nor have I heard anything else from any other school districts. Applications, screening interviews, e-mailed resumes seem to have fallen on deaf ears. There might be some assistant positions open nearby, but I'm not holding my breath yet.

-My next option has been to look on craigslist and other job sites to see if any local day cares need a lead/assistant teacher, or if any offices need a secretary with my skills. Nothing yet. I seem to be overqualified...ironically.

-Jon is similarly checking the want ads for various positions. He might have a job at a local hotel if they can work with his class schedule, and around the part time job he already has. God has blessed us with several computer jobs for him, which pay very well per hour and are getting us through our summer bills.

-On the housing front, we have two places we would like to move in to. One that I like a little more, one that Jon likes a little more. Marriage is all about compromise....we'll see. (vote for me!)

-And as we keep looking for solutions, more questions pop up. There may be an opening in my building for either an Assistant Apartment manager (what I do now) or an Apartment manager (a step up from where I am now). Either solution may allow me to go to grad school with the money we're saving on housing. More questions, fewer answers....oy vey!

Continue to pray for us, for we struggle at decision making and getting answers.

The future: The Final Frontier

Wife's log: Day 187

Roughly 6 months into this marriage gig, and we're not doing too badly. Though we are not frequent (or short-winded) bloggers, we are fans of quenching over-asked questions in one, not so fell-sweeping blog. So here's the update on what the next couple months of our life is looking like.

Pretty much all of our plans hinge on whether or not I can find a full time teaching job. Jon's ok with commuting to school in Charlotte, and would only need to make one trip a week, so I'm looking anywhere in SC or NC. We're not picky about where, though we would love and prefer to be in the Rock Hill area. Sadly this is not the year to find a job easily, and many schools don't know if/when they can hire anybody. Most jobs I apply for have other a hundred other applicants.

So we have two options:

Option #1
I find a job, we move far away, take a leap of faith and highway just so I have a decent job, where we can live, eat, pay off loans, and possibly get Jon a new car (poor Rosa may not live forever). Of course, once Jon graduates, his job will be more important than mine, so we wouldn't expect the position to be a long term one.

So we've been driving all over the state, doing prescreening interviews, completing district applications, and smiling at hiring managers. Prescreening interviews don't mean a thing until the district has a job to offer. I did have an interview in North Charleston yesterday for an actual position. They team seemed to like me, and I was comfortable with them. It's not close to friends or family, but it's a job.

Option #2
If no full-time teaching jobs come open, then Jon and I would like to stay in Rock Hill. I've been accepted to Grad School for Special Ed. and depending on financial aid, we might be able to afford that. Jon would still have his part-time job in Charlotte (possibly a second which would be helpful). We would also find local menial jobs to supplement needs (college loan payments, etc). We would try this for as long as possible (or as long as finances hold out) before accepting either of our parents' generous offers to house us while we find more permanent solutions.

We've been apartment hunting a little, crunching numbers a little, and think it could work.

Ultimately God will provide, it's not up to us to decide. Pray for us. We don't know where we'll be living a month from now, but God does. Yay God!. We hope to be updating more frequently about our adventures, so check back freqently.

With love, prayers, and cookies,
Jon and Telly

Disappointment

I know there were a lot of people who were praying for my interview today, so I thought I would post the events of the day, in order not to repeat the story many times. For those of you who didn't know, through a connection at a party I got an interview at a small town magnet school that just opened. The area was a nice enough, directly in between Rock Hill and Columbia.

I think the interview itself went fine enough, I was charismatic, energetic, and full of ideas. Of course you always want to be yourself while telling them what they want to hear. It's a delicate balancing act and I felt like I was on a high wire act at Niagara Falls. Luckily I walked out with no visible sweat stains.

However I also walked out with a twinge of disappointment. Towards the end of the interview I asked what vacancies they expected to have, and the principal told me they may have one in 3rd grade, but they weren't sure. My heart fell then, realizing that the hypothetical life I had already planned in this small town was as close as a Canadian snow man.

So I'm disappointed, a little deflated, and slightly bummed. I know the summer is far from over, and there are still potentially many jobs and interviews that might open up before Jon and I ultimately have to decide what to do with ourselves come August. Most importantly I know God's plan is still in place, and we are anxious to see how it plays out for us. Please continue to pray.

Patience

This blog is less about being married, and more about personal anxiousness.

As a recent Winthrop graduate, a married person of nearly 5 months, and an adult in general, I'm finding it hard to be content this summer. I think what I'm going through is the pregnancy symptom called nesting (though I assure you no stork is headed our way). I'm ready to be out of our small apartment, away from the two short shower, the too small sink, the too many steps up, the too many knocks on the door, the too few places to put our rapidly growing pieces of life. I'm anxious to be in our own place where I could plant or paint and not be the RA.

I think this bout of anxiousness is compounded by several things. First of all, as mentioned above, I've gone through several recent changes (graduation, marriage) that usually signal the beginning of new place to live and way of living, yet not much has changed. Secondly, I've seen so many friends recently who are moving on. I have a couple beautiful friends who are getting married and moving into their own place, bought or rented. I'm extremely happy and excited for them, and dare I say jealous to be moving on in the same way.

I know that God is working his perfect plan for us. All of this will come when One or both of us has a good job, when God knows we're ready, and when we're patient enough to have all these things through the proper means (not buying a house with no credit, or moving somewhere before jobs are secured).

I guess to tie in the married aspect, I would say that Jon is being very gentile in reminding me to be patient, reminding me to trust God, and understanding my impatience. He is an amazing blessing of a husband for all the patience he displays, complimenting my lack thereof. I'd appreciate prayers in this area, like I said, I'm struggling to be content and wait for God's timing.

Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Moods

One thing I want to do with this blog is troubleshoot things that Jon and I come to, things that give us bumps and hurdles. Hopefully I will be able to tell how we got around it, and how we're working to make our marriage stronger despite these relationship strengthening experiences.

I, like nearly every every XX chromosome carrying creature, have a mariad of things that influence my moods. Sometimes the moods are petty, other times they seriously interfere with my ability to be a good wife. I am trying to identify and heal these moods, while Jon is being patient and trying to figure out how to help them.

There's the napping mood. I'm not a happy camper when waking up from a nap. Jon is usually very nice by being the one to wake me up, just in time (or after a few extra minutes :) ) Usually I swat at him as he tries to wake me up jovially. In my sleepy haze I am infinitely annoyed at him. He's come to accept this as a consistent happening, and I've learned to appologize afterward and express my gratitude for putting up with me. I think we've got this one ironed out.

There are the kooky moods. Whether I've had too much caffiene, not enough sleep, or too much time indoors, there are times when I need to get out, go some where, have a craving to do something specific, or just need to express madness. These are trickier moods. I know I need to identify exactly what I need to calm me, because Jon is very willing to do whatever it takes to help me cool down...if only I could figure out what that is. I also need to figure out how to control these moods. Sometimes it is simply not feasible to amuse my moods, and that's when I have to take responsibility for myself and get over it. How? You ask? Currently my only solutions are prayer, alone time, and writing out my emotions. I'm willing to take suggestions.

There are nasty moods. This past Sunday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. For some reason I became annoyed with everything. Annoyed with the milk, annoyed with the sun, annoyed with Jon watching TV instead of eating breakfast with me...everything. With this devilish spirit in me, I didn't feel much like talking to people, being nice, and worst of all for a Sunday, facing God. When I finally confessed to Jon that I was in a mood, things got easier and harder. He was able to realize that I wasn't serious about the snippy comments that kept coming out. But it also meant he wanted to help me figure out this mood, when usually I like to go hide and just let moods pass. But I'm married now. Moods like that one can't just exist and be ignored. I have to get over my selfish, unexplainable annoyances and get on with it. I don't know how or why, but I can't use raging hormones as an excuse to be rude to those I love, or to keep me from worship.

So my point is thus: You can't control when you get into a funky mood, but you can control how you let it affect you. That's what I'm trying to do, with God's help and Jon's patience.

Where's My Change? Part 2

Ok, so on to Part 2, and I'll try to be more brief about some of the changes in married life.

Organization- Yes, yes, if you know me, you know that's a foreign if not four-letter word to me. Organization to me is simple: it means what seems simplest at the time... not always translating to real efficiency. Chantelle has very detailed organizational skills that are highly efficient, but they follow rules that exist largely in her mind and are therefore highly mysterious. Why does the folder not go with the other folders? I don't know. Still, it's very positive. I'm getting more organized and productive especially around the house. I worry it's more self-preservation than good character. I work harder to clean and such because Chantelle hasn't been able to as much and the mess will drive her to distraction. It also teaches humility as the reforming slob, now has to deal with the frustration of his former sins.... Honey, can you please leave the dishes in the general area of the sink?

Emotions- No, no, I'm not talking about the mysteries of the temperament of my bride. It's mine that are driving me crazy more often. I thought I generally had a solid grasp on my temper, but suddenly I've got all these new triggers. I'm even tempered, generally, but suddenly I find myself wanting to hit a girl. That's bad! Fortunately, it wasn't Chantelle, but her former advisor, who seemed... difficult. Additionally, my temper flares up because though I understand how my emotions work, my other part is still getting the hang of it. So you try and explain what happens normally in you, and find you're back at square one. What took me 30 years to understand, I now have to start relearning in a way I can explain. FUN!

Rest- As Chantelle said so delicately, I snore. The truth is, I roar softly. Chantelle, being as sweet-spirited as she is, has developed a gentle system of stopping it... she elbows me until I quit. So how twisted is it that now I sleep better in the same bed being jabbed periodically than when apart? Additionally, our ideas of relaxing are very different. Going out is part of external life to me... home is end game, the finish line. For her, home is a staging area, of sorts. It's the launch pad for getting out into life. So I'm learning, that when it's busy or tiring, that often means it's time to go somewhere.... very counter-intuitive for me. And then there's the home improvement aspect of rest and responsibility. I had the mistaken idea that home improvement was something you did so that you could stop and not have to do it anymore. Chantelle comes from a family for whom it is a hobby... which I found delightful. So much talent, so much creativity, so much energy, so much future assistance.... oh yeah, so much to do already. But it's good too, because I have an even more profound respect for her creativity. How can she see something totally different about that wall than all the others? She's teaching me to be more willing to invest in what I would have otherwise tended to think of as empty trappings.

Where's My Change? Part 1

It's hard to believe that Chantelle and I are coming up on 4 months of marriage. In some ways, it's like we've barely begun, yet in others, it's hard to think of a time when we were not married. So, here, in no particular order are some running ideas about married life and how it's changing us, from my perspective.

Communication- It gets hammered into us from every angle that communication is at the heart of successful marriage. Well, it's all true and then some. God really blessed us that we started well, with lots of talking and had very good friends and counselors who encouraged that process. Still, it's amazing how much it only scratches the surface of communication once the marriage starts. Maybe being in such a small space presses the issue, but really, it's just the complexity of oneness. There's this person who's always there and in every facet of your life. At times, it's a little crowding, like you're back to being a teenager, with someone always wanting to know where you're going, who with, when you'll be back; etc. At other times, it's just staggering that there's still so much to talk about. I think I understand now, why some newlywed friends told us last year that sometimes, "you just want to NOT have another conversation about something new." Still, it's astounding how enjoyable it is to have someone with whom to share everything. Probably what we’re learning most about is how to interpret each other. It’s amusing that though we both have had training in multiple languages and can probably carry on actual dialogue in English or Spanish, we still need a translator. Between non-verbal cues and the mental ideas behind what is said, “Is that what you meant?” has been repeated aplenty. Pastor James was right on and a huge help in pointing us towards toward striving to hear, rather than be heard. It’s so much easier to be defensive and demanding. We ask forgiveness a fair amount, but I don’t want to think about what would have happened if we hadn’t had instruction in this beforehand.

Priorities- Guys hanging out talk about how their recently married friends disappear. If they are a little less tactful, they talk about the ball and chain or having to getting “Mommy’s” permission before you can go out. I’ve seen it before. Sadly, I’ve been part of those annoyed discussions that at times, though I managed to steer away from the really cruel comments, if recollection serves. I always knew you had to cut some slack to newlyweds, but I always thought it was mostly because they were lost in the physical intimacy of marriage. After all, sex is so much on our society’s mind, it made sense that when you get the chance to enjoy it the right way, you can lose your head a bit. While that can be partially true, I think I’m beginning to understand things more fully. You disappear partly because you have to. Those friends of mine… we have had years, even decades to know each other and develop our relationships and sync our schedules and such for time together. It’s been great. But we still managed to find points of disagreement and annoyances on occasion. Now, I suddenly have a friend who is so close that she is there pretty much 24/7. She’s great, but let’s face it, we’re not always on the same page. She has the most bizarre ideas sometimes (tell no one but so do I at times). We haven’t had decades to adjust to those pressures. So you disappear for survival in some ways. If you don’t devote major time, you’ll rip each other to shreds. You also do it because you’re already starting to become one. It may not happen over night, but you are loving this person as yourself, so they take precedence. And that’s the silliness of the ball and chain comments. Do I have to ask permission? Yes!!! Her opinion matters… quite frankly, far more than yours. If she isn’t integrated into my decisions, then I royally screwed up something here. I shoot myself in the leg (thank you Plaxico Burress). It’s not perfect. It chafes at times, no doubt. But it’s happening without even thinking about it in some ways, which I guess means it’s moving forward well.

This is growing long fast, so I'll have to break it up into pieces.