A good answer, if hard

By this point, most people already know the basic result of our trip to Swannsboro, but I had some time during my school day to give a little more detailed story for the legions of people who obsess over our lives but try not to show it.

Back in December, I responded to a post on the RTS job board for a senior/solo pastor job at a small church in Swannsboro, NC (coastal town near the Camp Lejuene Marine Base). Well, after many questions and 3 phone interviews, we were invited to come out for a candidate weekend March 19th-21st.

We knew going in this was not our ideal image, since I would've preferred an associate pastor's job and this small church has no budget to pay any pastor in the near term. Also, there were some secondary matters of doctrine (nothing different on the Gospel) where I thought we might differ. And having come out of a small church that has been struggling for a while, I'm very aware of some institutional problems that can crop up with tired people. Still,this was a church who was interested in us, in an area that has some appeal, with seemingly loads of opportunities; etc. So we figured the worst that could happen was God would use it for experience in the search/interview process. And what an experience it was!

I knew but didn't understand how draining these kind of trips are, and I'm so glad that our pastor recommended we specifically ask to be house in a motel. Being the "new puppy", even in love, is exhausting, but Ken was right that having private housing gave a chance to both rest and review throughout the time.

We had to leave straight from work at RTS Friday, so things did not begin particularly joyfully. Traffic leaving Charlotte was pretty much as slow and painful as you might expect, and near Rockingham, I missed a speed limit trap going from 70 to 55 which a highway patrol officer was generous enough to correct. Still, we got in just after 11 and were able to get plenty of rest.

Our motel overlooked the coastal waterway just at the edge of the island chain (Emerald Isle, Indian Beach; etc.) that makes up the southern end of the Outer Banks area. So we had a beautiful relaxing morning of staring at the sights of the sea. Then we met with the current pastor (retiring for health reasons) and elder and their wives. After some fun conversation, we had a whirlwind tour our the local area, including housing opportunities, and then we were back to the church to meet the committee and to the motel for a brief rest.

When we met with the search committee in the afternoon, we began to see more of the issues come to light. For one, they had very few questions, most of theirs having been answered in our phone interviews, but in what they asked and didn't, they reinforced the notion that they are tired... maybe even a bit desperate. As I began working through the list of questions I had prepared (thanks again to Ken's aid), it was clear that they didn't have answers for several points and hadn't really begun to explore them, even having the prepared list for almost 2 weeks in advance. I was glad to see a glimmer of clearer understanding, as they said one of things they needed most in a pastor is vision, but in their answers to what the church needed, they seemed circumstantially and internally focused (things like getting more people and better signage for visibility). Most importantly, we noticed some philosophy of ministry differences that I wholeheartedly agree with in principle (eg. worship is not about entertainment), but the practice of which we would disagree.

That evening, they hosted a church wide dinner in our honor, and if love and food alone made our decision for us, we'd be packing for Swannsboro now. While, being the center of so much attention may be tiring for us, I'm sure they pushed themselves to treat us well, and it showed. They were wholly welcoming and gave us plenty of time to meet everyone and taste everyone's cooking, and they can definitely cook! In all, they are a delightful bunch showing the spirit of love love that is a hallmark of the church.

Sunday, we enjoyed another beautiful morning and then headed over to take part in their morning worship. They had me teach their Sunday School hour, though normally they rotate the responsibility between a few men, and I also gave the Sunday sermon for their worship service. I kept things simple, using material I had prepared for other preaching/teaching opportunities. For the Sunday school hour, we went through the closing verses of Acts 2, looking at the basic principles of the early church (devotion to teaching, breaking bread, fellowship, and prayer) and their outgrowths (visible signs, joy, "communism", favor, new converts; etc.). In the main service, I preached from 2 Tim. 2:1-7 on the heart of pastoral and all Christian ministry. God was good that both were clear and succinct, with good reception from the people.

The worship style was different from what I am familiar but beautiful nonetheless. They use a more formal service, with structured meditation (creeds, church fathers; etc.) and Bible readings, as well as a morning devotional reminder from one of the men (an interesting way of mentoring all the men in teaching at some level). The songs were a mix of classic hymns, mostly familiar, and Psalms (mostly to unfamiliar tunes). I loved the inclusion of the Psalms. We don't do that enough. And as so often happens, the Holy Spirit was at work guiding the pastor's wife in preparing the order of worship so that it meshed perfectly with the message I was preaching.

In all, it was an excellent visit, but we quickly began to sense that God was moving us away from Swannsboro. The first day, after our meeting with the committee, I was getting uneasy about the issues and wondering if I was a good fit for what they needed. When I asked Chantelle's opinion, she said exactly what I was thinking... great area, people and opportunities, but there would be some major issues to fight through that they weren't facing, and it would be a battle... one she was convinced we were equipped to take in our first assignment. I was pretty confident right then that God was beginning to give us an answer. Sunday gave us more of the same, despite the good time with the people. It was even more painful to say it but more reassured, I'm not God's guy for them.

Once we got home, we gave it until Friday to make our decision. The church was ready to vote on me the following Sunday, and we wanted to have answer ready for them before then. Over the days, we didn't get anything different in prayer or counsel and 3 different sources gave me confirmation. So, that Friday, I called and asked to be removed from consideration.

I don't think either Chantelle or I would characterize the visit as anything but positive, despite the result. We ended things with Swannsboro Bible Church on very good terms, and we got better insight into questions we need to ask and answer and the type of ministry position God may be leading me into. Best of all for me, God spoke very clearly to us both in the same way, so we have great confidence that he's guiding wherever we end up.

Recent sewing exploits

As previously noted, one of my new missions as a proper married lady is to learn how to sew. This is a bit of a start and go project. Most of the "going" is when I browse the fabric store and get fantastic ideas. Most of the "stopping" is when I can't figure out why the bobbin is making a strange noise, why the fabric is getting crinkled in the machine, and why the result looks more like a hairball than a sock.

Here are some of my first projects:

The cute and flirty dress. Still in need of some adjustments, but the first thing I've sewn and worn in public!


Booties that I made for a baby shower. This was so much cheaper and more fun than picking something off the registry!






And just finished tonight: a professional skirt just in the nick of time (and the nick of colors) for valentines day!

Which is more complicated?

I don't know which is more difficult to understand..... My husband or my sewing machine.

God to the rescue!

In a feeble attempt to keep the few and faithful readers abreast on our employment exploits, I shall now divulge God's latest and greatest evidence in our lives.

My last day as a long-term 4th grade sub was to be this most recent Friday. Without any other plans, I was going to become a simple day-by-day sub, where the pay was moderate and the job frequency unpredictable.

Half an hour before the end of that fateful Friday, the principal of the school called me out and asked if I might want to take over another long term sub position for a Kindergarten assistant. The pay was nearly half what I was making, so it wasn't an easy choice. Jon and I had to weigh job consistency over increased daily pay, but in the end, GOD struck again providing for us.

Jon is also working as a day-by-day sub, and we continue to pray for consistency there as well. We're not sure how God will carry us through, but he will, as long as we are faithful.

Please keep us in your prayers though. As the summer comes, Jon and I both face unemployment. I'm getting peeks at job openings in the fall, but that's not till August. Jon, graduating in May, has gotten a couple leads at churches, but again, nothing we are certain of yet.

As of now our summer could be spent in Disney World, my parents house, right here, or half-way across the world. We remember faithfully that God's direction is a lamp, not a searchlight, and we are learning to trust on him before all else. That is the ultimate goal, no?

Exploits of a married lady.

It's most regrettable that I haven't found time, or really made time, to update this blog. For me (I'm not sure about Jon) writing has always been therapeutic, something I needed to do to work out my problems, gain perspective, and calm myself. Since I've been married I've retired my personal journaling (eight notebooks over 7 years), but for my sanity, and often the sanity of this marriage, I'm pledging to articulate my (and hopefully our) thoughts here.

Tonight is a rare night when I am in the house alone. Faced with an empty schedule an a drive to do more with my life, I've taken this opportunity to pursue one of my many new hobbies, sewing. Currently, I'm sitting in a black skirt with pink and red pinstripes that I have sew myself. The waist band is a mess, I haven't done the hem yet, and there were more than a few hitches when sewing it, BUT I've sewn it! It looks relatively decent and is wearable.

SUCCESS!

This is one of a couple of hobbies I've picked up that make me feel more "wifey." Although it may be old fashioned, as a married woman of a year, I feel there are some things I need to do, both for myself and the marriage. Sewing my own clothes fulfills my need for a hobby, my crafty cravings, and my womanly urges to always have new clothes.

Couponing has been another such thing. After attending a workshop on how to do super-couponing, an watching my sister-in-law who rocks at it, Jon and I are giving it a shot. Generally I gather/work out all the deals, and since he retrieves them with his free time. We're not great at this yet, but we do generally save 60% off of the bill, getting things that are brand name, tasty, and not possibly expired (I love you Grocery Safari...but sometimes I question your expiration dates).

Sadly laundry has not been laid on my heart as a wifely task to improve on. May God change my heart in that regard....or give us enough income to pay for a maid.

I do have short bursts of cleaning obsession fits, and I'm entering one now. Best to put it to good use and clean up the sewing explosion that's taken over two rooms in the house (oh, but how nice ot have more than two rooms in our house!!!).

Different people

This blog was originally started to help keep our friends and family updated on how Jon and I were learning to live, love, and grow together. I know we've gotten away from that in recent posts, so I hope this blog re-establishes our original goal.

I don't know that growing is ever easy. If you consider the growing your body does, it is often painful. Teething is excruciating, puberty is a mess of discomfort, growth spurts bring unpleasant stretch marks. I have to believe that emotional growth is the same way. As Jon and I grow together as God intended us to be "one," we hit challenging, and sometimes painful obstacles.

Most recently, we've struggled with a startling simple concept. Though we have some remarkable similarities, we get along very well, and we have so much common ground, we are still different people. There are some ways in which we are not now (and may never be) alike.

For instance: Jon will eat nearly anything labeled as "food" that is put in front of him. I'm different. I only have about four vegetables I'll eat, and I'm generally skeptical of new foods.
Or: When Jon's stressed he likes to unwind with some video games, or chill in front of a good movie. I like to release all my energy by getting out and having some fun.
Or: Jon is very open minded at trying new things. He may not like it, but he's willing to give it a shot (in most cases, dancing excluded), even if it makes him uncomfortable. I am shy in new situations, particularly with new people.

Is it ok to be different? Is either person's approach better than the other? Well, we're each going to think our own idea is better, so we better get out the fencing swords now to decide a winner. (just kidding...we do NOT endorse sword play as an effect counseling technique).

Instead what I think we're coming to realize is to be aware of each other's differences. Try not to put each other in istuations that cause discomfort. Be understanding to the other persons restrictions. At the same time we can try to introduce new activities that introduce the other person into something that is uncomfortable just to see if they like it.

Jon could suggest new veggies or new recipies to try, just to see if I like more foods than I think I like (he'll never win the battle of peas though, I strictly refuse).
Or we can manage stress together. Maybe I'll sit and play video games with him for an hour, before we go out bowling.
Or we can try new things in small doses, so that Jon can enjoy his social situations, but I can have time to get used to the new people. Maybe we could go take swing lessons with some of his friends and hit the best of both worlds.

Whether you're just dating, or married for 50 years like Nikki's Gparents, I think husband and wife will always be "one flesh" but still different people. That's ok. Just respect your differences, and be willing to get out of your comfort zone.

Grandma has cancer

My grandma Shirley is my mom's mom. A couple years ago she moved in with them. I get to see her about once a month now, more so than I have ever seen a grandparent. A few months ago my grandma was having trouble using the bathroom. Surgery was able to alleviate the problem, but the scans showed "something." It took months of spaced out doctors appointments to finally draw the conclusion we all had feared.

Her cancer was aggressive, but treatable with a primitive form of Chemo. She was weak already, but after the first round I'd never seen her so lifeless. I kept remembering how when I was twelve we climbed halfway up Grandfather Mountain together. Now she takes a break from walking outside to her bed.

On Thursday I heard she decided to stop the chemo treatments. To be honest, I never thought she would start them. I think she'll be much less miserable without them. But it's hard to hear that I may not be able to give her a Christmas present. I pray she'll get to see her great grandchild, born sometime in November (by way of my sister, not me!)

She'll be the first person close to me that I'll have lost, and that's hard. But I can't help but think of all the good things God is doing with this. She'll be so much happier in heaven. She won't be brought down by the troubles of our time. For the first time since childhood, all her children will be around her this weekend. Some will speak to eachother for the first time in years.

Grandma, I love you. I want to cherish ever memory we've had together, and strive for every single one we can make. I pray your suffering is light, and your heavenly reward is great.